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I’m having a Feeling Proud moment, so I gotta share.

After getting today’s podcast episode live (published), I decided to treat myself to a mid-winter ride in the balmy 40-degree sun here in New England.

Owning my first OTTB mare and having her in my backyard is challenging. I’m alone. I’m probably a bit overfaced with such a young, green horse, and that’s kind of how I like it right now. When I told my husband I wanted a horse that was in front of my leg, I wondered what that might actually look like in real life. Now I know.

Lots of experienced “friends” said that I would likely have a handful – that Siouxsie would need to “be in a program”, and “Am I sure I know what I’m getting myself into?” Or, “You really need to be fit to ride an OTTB.” Oh, and then there was the professional trainer who declared, “I don’t like mares.”

So while trying to figure out this new horse, understand my own capabilities, and how to quiet the naysayers in my brain, I’ve also had to satisfy the yahoo in me who just wants to get on and ride this fancy sports car of a horse. Of course, things never quite work out the way we plan. Sometimes they turn out better.

It’s been very warm and rainy in the northeast this winter. Siouxsie is back under saddle after her bazillion dollar ulcer treatment, and we’re going verrry slowly. At the moment, we’re up to 25 minutes of walking. The first ten minutes we just hack on the buckle if she’s calm and focused. The next 15 minutes includes various fun and easy exercises or horsey puzzles for Sioux to figure out.

There is still a lot of retraining that is happening, especially at the mounting block, but I *am* seeing a bunch of old anxious behaviors starting to improve.

I bought a proper mounting block, and I think that being able to mount from the top step has eased my anxiety, and therefore Siouxsie’s also (cue the lightbulb).

Anyway, the reason I’m feeling really proud is because it was windy today. When I went out to the barn to ride, things were fairly calm and sunny. But after tacking up and getting ready to mount, the wind picked up quite a bit. Remember, we are very near the ocean, so when the wind kicks up, it’s a party around here!

Siouxsie, in stereotypical young OTTB fashion, looked at every corner of our property as the gateway to hell. While today’s plan for riding was to introduce a few strides of trot-trot on the long side, I quickly realized that my plan had morphed into something more like How to Tame Your Dragon.

But you know, I’m so tired of being anxious or afraid or overly cautious, that I said f#$%^ it. I’m not getting out of this saddle until I’m done. Whatever this mare brings today, I’m just gonna have to ride it.

And I did.

When she looked into the neighbor’s shrubs for trolls, I asked her to collect. When she balked at the wheelbarrow, we serpentined. When she spooked at the Whatever It Was It Probably Wasn’t Even A Real Thing, I decided we should do a turn on the forehand. People, I don’t even know how to ride a turn on the forehand on a MADE horse, let alone how to teach a green thoroughbred how to do it on a fake spring day in February! But by golly, she did it. WE did it. And it wasn’t the fact that we accomplished a particular move that makes me so proud. It was that we were both able to quiet the naysayers for a few minutes and trust each other enough to get something accomplished — together. That’s the best part about riding to me; the teamwork.

Trust is earned, but sometimes it requires a bit of bravery first. ❤️ -HgH